


a friend for the lonesome

by justanoverobsessivefangirl (orphan_account)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Gen, No Character Death, Suicidal Thoughts, i got sad after looking at the blood moon and eclipse, phil is only mentioned, so i wrote this????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 16:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4967563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/justanoverobsessivefangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>dan gets sad sometimes and looks at the moon but the moon sees everything with its watchful eye and gentle light</p>
            </blockquote>





	a friend for the lonesome

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: suicidal thoughts and actions so please be careful while reading this  
> i am in no way claiming that this has happened, it is just a figment of my imagination  
> the title is from a quote by carl sandburg - "the moon is a friend for the lonesome to talk to."

Dan turned his eyes unto the sky. The moon, ever-present, turned its eyes unto Dan in return. As he bathed in the soft light, reveling in its gentleness, he – lacking the gentleness of the moon’s light that he so adored – tightened his grip on the bottle in his right hand, as if he could hide from the moon his true purpose for being alone on top of a building at three in the morning. As if he could, indeed – the moon knows everything, it observes and doesn’t make any judgements, and gives light to you unconditionally. 

Dan liked the moon. He thought that the moon was kinder than the sun, which took so much time just to itself and refused to share it with anyone. The moon, on the other hand, shared the night with the stars. The moon did not crave attention. The moon did not seek justification. It just was and that was that. Dan knew that the moon was watching him; Dan knew that the moon was watching Phil; Dan knew that the moon was watching all of England; Dan knew that the moon was watching all of the places over which it spread its gentle light at this hour. 

And that was what made him loosen his grip on the bottle, because it didn’t feel like such a secret any longer. It didn’t feel as though he was just letting down his family and his friends and his fans, but also the moon. Dan didn’t want the moon to be disappointed with him, but at this point one more person’s – was the moon a person? – disappointment in him wasn’t much of a difference. 

His hands shook as he squeezed the sides of the cap while unscrewing it. One white pill fell into the palm of his hand, and he just gazed at it. Illuminated by the gentle light of the mon, it seemed to flow. Did he want to? He knew that it would be painful – he’d done his research but remembered to clear his history, of course – but would it be worth it? Yes, he thought; hands still shaking, he brought it to his mouth. Tilting his head back, he swallowed. He didn’t feel any different from before. Dan did, however, sit down on the flat roof and look up at the moon. This is my last time looking at the moon, he thought. I’ll never see it again. 

And that was when he realized that he didn’t want to never see the moon again. However, to see the moon again he’d need to be alive, and that was what he didn’t want to be. He wanted to live, if only to bask in the gentle light of the moon. He wanted to live, if only to go to the open window and look up at the moon while reminiscing about what had happened that day. He wanted to live, if only to aspire to become more like the moon – gently illuminating the night sky even though not everyone will appreciate its efforts. It was under the light of the moon that Dan realized that he wanted to be happy again. And he knew that it would take time, that it wouldn’t be easy; that there would be setbacks. 

But he also knew that the moon would always be there, illuminating both his shadow and his path forward, every step of the way.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this i hope you enjoyed it!  
> my tumblr is cnstellaticns.tumblr.com come talk to me


End file.
